ah, ch ch ch changes

So the only constant is change in my life right now.  Although I like the security of knowing that I could provide health care for my family, Randy and I have revisited the issue and have decided that I should continue to work at DTOU and not look for outside employment.  It would just be too much change for our family right now.  I just need to work on my faith that things are going to be okay financially for us.
Randy is healing each day.  He is more down than up the last few days, but I am going to take some of the blame for that.  I think my worry has spilled over on to him.  When your main financial provider can no longer work to support a family it can be scary.  Especially without the physical ability to change the situation.  Perhaps we are having a faith building opportunity?
I just read the last few comments.  Thank you Jenny!  Tanner is always up for a new friend so I will try to call you soon.  It would be a big help.  And thank you Tina.  I also appreciate your offer.  I keep meaning to call you for a play date, I just tend to get a bit overwhelmed when I am at home and I forget.
I am going to work on my new positive outlook and keep the faith.  Wish me luck!  We all know I'm going to need it. LOL

what to do?

Randy is having drug with-drawls.  They are hard to watch.  Hard for him to go through.  But I remind him each time that Cooper did the same thing the last month or so of his hospital stay.  To me it's a little bit exciting because this should mean that we are close to the end! (I hope)
He still hurts and sheds some tears.  He is having a down day.  It's so weird really.  Randy is never down.  I was able to cheer him up and get him to eat.  I told him I thought he was immune to being depressed.  He smiled.  He sure is wishing he could do something; anything.
We showered his legs last night and I put lotion on them.  I even shaved some of his leg hair to make it so his ted hose won't pull quite as much.  His hair was too much for my razor so he still has lots of hair.
This morning his blood level was too low.  So his blood is thin.  His right ankle has been hurting and we discovered he has a little crack type bruise on the crease.  I put neosporin on it and it's getting better.
He slept without his ted hose on for the first time.  His sheets were covered in dead skin by morning.  Yuck.  So he was lucky and got two sets of clean sheets in 12 hours.  Isn't his nurse so nice? :)
As Randy won't be able to work full time for at least one year; (even he realizes this now) I have started to look for employment that offers medical benefits for my family.  I currently work at Dyslexia Tutoring of Utah.  I love what I do and it is very rewarding.  The pay is excellent!  There are no benefits however.  So if anyone knows of something that I could do and still be home for my kids after school please let me know.
The bishop has been very kind and offered what help he could.  Even with this help we are still short $650 a month without paying any medical bills.  We can sustain this for a while.   But I really do hate to be on assistance.  Therefore I am just trying to stay open to possibilities.

All of the stitches are out

 The right foot.

All of the stitches are out!  This time they used a knife instead of scissors.  Randy said it didn't hurt as bad as the scissors did.  Less tugging.  After the  stitches were out we put his ted hose back on.  Kara showed me a trick to putting them on.  I was still not able to get them all the way on.  Randy's ankle is just too tender and swollen to make it work out on his right leg.  He doesn't have as much movement as the other ankle.
With all of the stitches out he can now get his legs wet.  NOT soak them, but they could get wet in the shower.  So no more bags if he wants to take the ted hose on and off.  Which he doesn't yet.
Everything looked good. (they only looked at the right leg.)  We got a refill (new prescription) on his pain meds.  His body is going through withdrawals of the medicine.  He is dizzy,  getting headaches, and his stomach is upset.
The doctor said we don't have to uses the oxygen any more.  I called the delivery people to take it back.  They need a doctors note.  I called the doctor to call the delivery people to cancel the oxygen.  No word yet if that happened.  I hope it will be soon so we don't have to pay another month of fee's for it.
The Shelton's van that we borrow is broken.  I took it to Orem to see if Kara's work could fix it.  It needs a new circuit board in order for the ramp to work.  The hinges need to be replaced for the door not to shut on itself in the wind.
We were not able to get the lift to work for Randy's appointment on Tue.  I put some boards down to use as a ramp to put Randy inside.  He didn't go for that.  So I ran inside to get his transfer board.  We finally figured out how to take the seat out of my van.  He was able to get from his chair to the floor of our van.  Then scoot back into the back seat somehow.  I didn't see how he gets from the ground to the seat.  But he was much more comfortable in transport sitting forward.  He said there was less jostling around this way as well.  So it looks like we wont need to borrow anymore.
Later that day I was able to rush off to the DLD to get a handicap tag for our van.  We were lucky enough to have a built in one when borrowing Shelton's van.  But now we have our own temporary one.  We don't plan on going anywhere just yet.  Our next doctor appointment isn't for another month.  I am so happy for this news:)
I was even able to make a doctor appointment for myself and for Cooper.  Imagine that.

Sat Feb 19= a hard day

Last night Tricia and Justin came for a visit and brought dinner.  We ate together at the table with Randy.  Mark Rosen stopped by and we all had a great visit.  After a while Randy had to go lie down so we moved our party to the bedroom.  It was so nice to feel normal again.  Justin brought his old wheel chair for us to use when Randy can stand.
This morning I had work training, then I went to Mr. Cooper's viewing.  When I arrived home Randy was in tears.  The pain was too great.  He wept for a while so I called his doctor.  When the on call person called me back they said by law they are not able to give out pain meds over the phone or on the weekend.   He said I would have to take him to the E.R.  So I asked what I could do with what we had on hand.
He recommended cutting his pills in half and taking one and a half.  I also took off the boot from his right foot to ease the swelling.  After a while that seemed to do the job.

Karly was willing to let me drive with her tonight.  I had such a great time.  I can't believe my baby can drive!  When I said this Karly said, "see, this is why I didn't want to do this with you."  But really; we did great together and it was fun.

Friday Feb 18

I was able to help Randy put on his new tights today.  It was very painful for him.  The right leg was so painful that they are not all the way on yet.  The nurses came right as we were finishing up with this.  They checked his pulse and wondered what I had done to him.  They thought I had gotten him up!  But it was just the pain of putting his tights on.   His blood is finally at therapeutic levels today as well.
We saws the spine doctor today.  He said Randy's spine is looking like it is healing well.  He has one burst, and one compound compression, and several other compressions.  He didn't tell me how many, just kept saying several.  He also wanted to know all the details of the fall.  He used to climb, he says, and has a bad knee to prove it.

Any how Randy can take off the brace to sleep and shower and we go back in one month for a follow up.  Here are the pictures of his legs from this morning before I got his tights on.

I am asking any body out there for a favor.  I am borrowing Shelton's van and it needs a few tiny things done to it.  The bolts are still in the van from where the seat used to be.  The wheel chair gets snagged on them all the time.  If anyone has  a large enough tool to remove those, and is willing please contact me. (you can call or leave a comment).  Also the one door of her van no longer latches open.  It is on the opposite side of the control switch.  This makes it inconvenient to operate and hold the opposite door open while loading and unloading my patient and her son.  Is anyone out there able to help repair this?
*update*  Kara Kresser has saved the day!  The people where she works said they would work on the van for free!!  Ah, my favorite # and color is now free.  Thank you all so much!!  I will be taking it to Lehi, but that's so worth it.
Kara also mentioned that there is a device for putting on ted hose.  Who knew?  We may have to give this a try for the right foot.  Poor Randy.  What I didn't tell you is that while I was gently trying to put it on I was saying, " this is for not having accident insurance, and this is for not having your friends call me, and this is for not staying home with me."  I was totally joking, and I was really being gentle.  But it still made me smile.  Even funnier is that Cooper keeps saying, "just move dad's ankle with your hand." when Randy is trying to circle his ankle for therapy.  Even Randy let out a laughing No oh oh.. when he says it.  I now stand guard by Randy when his boots are off.  I know the kids wouldn't touch him, but Randy is feeling a little vulnerable about it.  We both explained how hurt Randy is and how we can't 'make' his body move.  They understand.  Even Cooper said he was just joking.

Thursday Feb 17 2011

Today Randy was able to move his ankles a tiny bit.  Not even close to a circle.  More of a twitch.  But enough that it gave him hope.  And it was more than yesterday.  He is getting quite good in the bathroom.  He is even  better in the wheelchair.  His only hang up is that the fridge is too close to the island for him to reach into it.  I have put some food in the door of the fridge for him to ease this problem.  However he still needs me or someone to prepare his meals and put them on the table.
I was able to get the ted socks for Randy today.  (Thank you to you know who)  He is too tired to let me put them on yet, but we will soon.  Even just the effort of trying to wiggle his ankles tires him out.  He is sleeping a lot during the day.  But he is also sleeping better at night.  We have added tylenol to his medicine regiment to help ease the pain.  It is working out well.
I called Tricia today to ask her for some advice.  It was good to hear her voice and she was able to comfort me.  She and Justin are going to visit us on Friday.  I can hardly wait.
I asked my boss if I can do some office hours and she said yes.  This will help out a little bit as well.  If I can just live in the moment things don't look so bad.  It's when I try to  look ahead a month or two that I start to panic.

Happy Aniversary #20

(picture of the stitches they took out today)
So today was our anniversary.It was such a long day it felt like two.   So I am giving it two posts. Our doctor appointment was at 7:30 am.  We arrived home at 10:30 am with his nurse waiting in the driveway.  His blood is still too thick even with all the blood thinners.   Randy's parents have been so great throughout this whole thing.  They took the kids and brought us in some dinner.    I celebrated by sleeping the whole time, and Randy ate ate the table.  He was able to get their on his own power.  Then the kids came back and we watched the end of biggest looser.  That is the most time we have spent together.  It felt to great to me to do something normal.  I haven't watched television with anyone for weeks.
Before bed I helped Randy take of his new air casts and he tried to turn his ankles.  He can't move the right one at all.  The left one he can just move.  But not in a circle.  We put the casts back on because they hurt too much with them off.  They hurt with them on.  His meds are not doing the job.
He was very emotional as he was drifting off to sleep.  He is upset that he can't move his right ankle.  He is frustrated at our financial position.  I have been quite depressed the last few weeks, yet some how having a nap has helped me out.  I have also decided that I will ask the bishop for some financial assistance.  I was adamant about not asking for help before.  But I have realized that if we could get some help I will have less resentment.  I don't mind using our savings to pay for medical bills.  What I hate is that we will be penny-less at the end of this adventure.  And that we don't know if or how much Randy will be able to work.

I can't work full time and take care of Randy right now.  Plus I don't want to work full time until Tanner is in school all day.  Not to mention I don't think I can be a good mom and work full time.  But that might not be a choice. (picture is of right leg after taking out half of the stitches.  )
Cooper could hear Randy crying tonight.  He was so cute about it.  He says, "so how is dad doing?"  I told him he was hurting.   I explained that it was because of the doctor appointment and how they took out most of the stitches.  He grimaced and then said, "I've never heard dad cry before."  I said, "I know, I hadn't really either.  When you were in the hospital the other kids told me he would come home from seeing us and cry but I didn't see it."  He grinned and asked, "Did he cry when they took the stitches out?"  No, I told him.  He did really well with it.  He nodded.
Then he went in to the bedroom to see Dad's new casts.  He had the blanket on all day so no one had really noticed.  After that I showed him the pictures on my camera.  He says, hey he will have big scars like me.  I told him that when I saw his legs it reminded me of his stomach.  He said, ya, but on his legs.